Every school has standout students who are more academically successful or more visible in the school community. Recognition of achievement is both natural and deserved. But when certain students are consistently given more leniency, more flexibility or more understanding than others — something that is happening at Shalhevet — it creates a noticeable imbalance.
One student might receive multiple reminders about a missing assignment, while another faces consequences much more quickly. One behavioral issue might be addressed seriously while another is brushed aside. Observing this may make some students feel more comfortable speaking up or challenging authority, assuming that they will not be held accountable, while others remain cautious, fearful that they may not receive the same benefit of the doubt.
When students feel that rules are enforced inconsistently, it weakens trust in the system as a whole, often creating frustration and resentment. I started questioning the value of our values: do efforts matter most or is it reputation? If students believe that favoritism fuels outcomes, they may feel that the system is unfair. In an environment that emphasizes ethical behavior and fairness, this contradiction is especially significant.
This raises several important questions. What does fairness actually look like in a school where teachers naturally form closer relationships with some students than others? How do we preserve those meaningful mentorships while still making sure that expectations and consequences are consistent? And how can students trust that effort and behavior matter more than familiarity or reputation?
My exploration of this issue is not about eliminating relationships between educators and students, but about making sure those relationships do not unintentionally shape uneven standards. Teachers’ connections with students can be positive and meaningful, but may also influence expectations in subtle ways, especially when it comes to discipline, flexibility or interpretation of behavior. For this reason, teachers’ awareness of this tendency should be active and practical rather than abstract. This means recognizing when familiarity might be affecting judgment and intentionally pausing to ensure that decisions are being made consistently across the student roster, not favoring those who are better known or more frequently engaged.
Equal access to opportunity is also essential in maintaining fairness. Leadership roles, academic opportunities and visible responsibilities should not depend primarily on informal selection (including values that are personal or do not include grade point average or pure numerics) or personal familiarity. Opportunities should be made available through clearer processes, open participation and rotation — rather than what I think of as “quiet nomination,” an unspoken rule that the same exemplary students are chosen — so that more students are able to contribute and feel seen within the community.
It is also important that students have a structured, formal and safe way to express concerns about inconsistency and to call attention to patterns. Giving students a way to speak honestly about their experiences without fear of being dismissed strength ens trust and gives educators a clearer understanding of how policies are being experienced in practice.
Awareness of these dynamics should also translate into reflection at the faculty level. Teachers do not need to distance themselves from students or treat every interaction as formal, but should occasionally reflect on whether expectations are being applied consistently, especially in areas like assignment extensions or discipline for behavior. Even small moments of self-checking or shared departmental conversations can help ensure that fairness remains present even within close mentoring relationships.
Ultimately, schools are meant to prepare students academically, morally and socially. Fairness is a fundamental part of that preparation. It is true that in many parts of the world, personal relationships can influence opportunities and treatment. However, a school environment has the responsibility to show that these dynamics can be recognized and navigated with intention, guided by values of fairness, accountability and integrity.
A strong community is not built on elevating certain individuals above others. It is built on mutual respect, consistent standards and a shared sense of responsibility. If these values are truly central to a school’s identity, then they must be reflected not only in its stated principles, but in the everyday decisions that shape student experience. Without that consistency, the gap between what is taught and what is experienced becomes difficult to ignore.
