‘A sadness which you cannot explain with words’

It seemed natural for Shalhevet sophomore Arielle Gueorguiev to sign up for a program that would connect her with a teenager in Ukraine. Her mother and father are from there, and she needed community service hours. 

So last year she signed up for a program that pairs Ukrainian youth with English speakers to help them learn English. She never thought that she would be working with a teenager whose home would become a war zone.

“We work on English mostly,” said Arielle, who about six months ago was paired with a 15-year-old Liza Kalaida of Khmelnytskyi.

They met every Sunday for 30 minutes, and have continued to do so since Russia invaded Ukraine and Liza had fled to Poland. 

“I’ll always ask her, like, ‘We can talk about what’s going on right now or we can, like, stick to English’,” Arielle said.

 “She just wants to stick to English, and I feel like I don’t want to bug her about it and make her talk about it if she doesn’t want to.”

But Liza agreed to discuss her life since the invasion with the Boiling Point last month – like many Ukrainians who are hoping to shed light on the tragedies occurring in their country.

“All the news saying there would be a war, even then we didn’t realize what we have to go through and how hard it would be,” Liza said in an interview last month. “…I am in Poland with my family, we are in a safe place, but we really want to come back home.”

On Feb. 24, 18-year-old Polina Vorona woke up to the sound of explosions and air alarms blaring through the city of Kyiv in Ukraine, her home city since she was born.

Polina did not witness any actual violence, as she remained inside all day, but she later learned there had been a skirmish between the Russian and Ukrainian armies on a bridge near the apartment where she lived with her mother, her mother’s boyfriend and her grandparents. 

She said the only word she could use to describe her feelings about the invasion of her city was sadness.

“I think it’s like not scared, it’s a huge sadness, like – it’s a sadness which you cannot explain with words, it’s only can to feel it,” Polina said in a phone interview with the Boiling Point April 14. 

“You leave your safe place at all in your life,” she said. “You leave your family…and leave your grandparents and part of your friends, and you leave your native city. That’s all your life  — this city, this country.”

Both Liza and Polina fled Ukraine at the beginning of the war, and both are currently living in Poland. They were introduced to the Boiling Point by Mr. Tchavdar Gueorguiev, Arielle’s father, who has been helping Ukranians trying to reach safety within Ukraine and in other countries since the war began. Both teens were interviewed by phone.

Mr. Gueorguiev met Polina through a friend of his who is a cameraman in Kyiv. 

For both girls, the most basic things to teenagers – social lives, favorite activities, home lives and thoughts about the future  – have either changed or vanished as a result of the war.

Polina was in the middle of her first year of University at the National University of Kyiv Mohyla Academy, studying culture.

“In this situation, I can’t plan for a long time in the future,” she said.

The future was also something that Liza feared.

“It’s really, like scary, because you even don’t know what will happen tomorrow, will you wake up tomorrow, because you don’t even know what will happen,” Liza said in an interview April 11. “Now I am in Poland with my family, we are in a safe place. But we really want to come back home.”

Polina said that this was the year that she planned on finding her independence.  

“For me it’s like a new part of my life, a new chapter at all…” she said. “It was a really typical student life in Kyiv, which I love. I had a really good summer before the studying year, and really many things that I did first by myself, I planned to find more stable work, to separate from my family, like maybe rent a flat alone.”

Polina now continues her university classes via Zoom in Poland, where she is living with her grandmother, whom she crossed the border with. Liza attends Zoom classes from her public high school in Khmelnytskyi from Busko-Zdroj, the Polish town that she lives in with her mother, sister, and grandparents. 

Both girls said it was difficult to concentrate on school.

“You can listen to your teacher for 10 minutes and then you are start to check the news,” said Polina. “So it’s really hard to be in material if it’s like music, or film, or like a new lesson. It’s really hard to concentrate at all.”

The war also has broken apart groups of friends, in spite of cellphones.

Polina said her friends are now scattered – some in Europe, some in Kyiv and some in safer parts of Ukraine.

“Now it’s really hard to call each other because it’s nothing to discuss,” Polina said.

“Sometimes it’s really better to send message: ‘Are you ok?’  ‘Yes, I’m safe, I have water, food, and my relatives are in a safe place,’ and that’s like the best words in life and that’s all. All of us have a really small measure of [strength] to speak too much, to discuss this news all the time, to discuss that we are not at home at all.”

The war has also broken apart the teenagers’ families. Because men between the ages of 18 and 60 are not permitted to leave Ukraine, neither Polina nor Liza has seen her father since the invasion began.

“My dad is not able to leave Ukraine,” Liza said. “We call and talk to him every day, but we really miss him.”

That absence is also felt by her younger sister Dasha, age 2.

“All day she asks, ‘Oh, when are we going to go home, when will I see my dad?’” Liza said.

Polina has not seen her mother, father or grandfather. Her father is currently living in Uzhhorod, Ukraine, with his girlfriend, and weeks before the war broke out, her mother, who is the art manager of Dakha Brakha, a Ukrainian orchestra group, left on a tour in the U.S.

Polina’s grandfather decided to stay in Kyiv, to protect their apartment and their cats.

“I know it’s really hard for Granny,” Polina said, “[To] be separate [from] her husband, with my grandfather, for the first time in I don’t know, 40 years.”

The two teenagers also left behind hobbies and activities. Liza played guitar and had frequent lessons, and has also had to give up horseback riding.

Before the war, Polina loved watching movies, but says that she is unable to watch the false realities in movies while living such a harsh real one.

“I can’t see films now too, because you can’t be in this movie,” she said. 

Polina had graduated from a music school in piano and cello. She says she now can’t play or even listen to music, as it reminds her of the two days she spent in Kyiv after the war erupted.

Polina said that while in her apartment on the first day of the invasion, she was forced to pay attention to every sound that she could hear from outside. She said she can no longer listen to or play music as it forces her to utilize those same skills. 

“Now I’m trying to — it sounds crazy – but trying to learn to listen to music [again]…” Polina said. “After you concentrate on sounds, it’s really similar to bombs, or rockets, or planes.”

When asked what she missed most about Ukraine, Polina said her bedroom. 

“Maybe it’s like really selfish, but except for people, maybe my room,” Polina said. “Because it’s the most beautiful, the safest place in my life.”

“It’s that feeling that I am in Ukraine,” she continued, “It’s hard to maybe understand, maybe it’s like a different feeling for every person – their own feelings, but that feel that you’re home. That you’re in the right place.”

In the early hours of Feb. 24, Russian President Vladamir Putin launched a full scale invasion of his neighboring country, Ukraine. It was the biggest attack on a European state since World War II.

Initially, Russia attacked from three sides – from Belarus in the north, the Donbas region in the east, and from Crimea in the south. 

It has targeted Ukraine’s largest cities, such as Kharkiv, Kherson and Kyiv, and completely destroyed smaller ones, including Mariupol, Mykolaiv and Irpin.  All of Ukraine’s ports have been blockaded. 

Roughly 20,000 civilians have died in Mariupol alone, according to media reports.

According to the United Nations, more than 14 million Ukranians have fled their homes over the course of the war; 6 million having left Ukraine entirely seeking refuge in neighboring countries, and 8 million people displaced within Ukraine itself.

According to the U.N, as of May 17,  Poland has welcomed 3,418,077 refugees, more than any other country. 

Liza and Polina were some of many who fled to Poland.

On the first day of the invasion, Liza  traveled to the western Ukrainian city of Lviv with her family, and they remained there for five days. They were then helped across the border into Poland by Liza’s grandfather, who had been working there at the time. 

They stayed with relatives until they found an apartment in Busko-Zdroj, where they reside currently. 

Polina remained with her family in her city of Kyiv for the first two days of the war, first inside their apartment and the second day hiding from bombs in an underground parking garage and a subway station. She said those two days felt like a week.

In the subway, her family recognized people from their neighborhood. She said many people have now been living in subway stations for months at a time to avoid the violence above ground.